Oh Shnaple
by LaydeeGodiva
Summary: What happens when my friends and I fall into Amestris.........WARNING: Mild language may change and randomness may cause lack of eyesight.....
1. Stoopid tele!

Authors Note: By the way, i'm Obi-Wan. . I did this one day after reading another fic similar, so I was just kinda like, wheee! Let's write one! Plus it's really fun to do!

The title is what my friend says...alot...XD

**Oh Shnaple…**

"Hurry it up you baka's!" Kell shouted from the living room. "FMA'S ALMOST ON!"

"AH! DON'T LET IT START WITHOUT US!" two voices screamed from the back room. Zan and Obi-Wan came running from the back and threw themselves on the couch, ultimately landing on top of one another.

"Get offa me!" Obi-Wan shouted as she pushed Zan onto the floor.

"SHHH! It's on!" Kell yelled.

"_Humankind cannot gain anything…."_ Al's voice began. Then, the T.V went black.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the three girls squealed in very, very high pitched fan girlish squeals. Like if Obi-Wan had seen Envy. Or Zan had seen Roy or Al. Or is Kell had seen Ed. Or if….well…you get the picture.

"WHAT HAPPENED! FIX IT KELL! IT'S YOUR T.V! FIXITFIXITFIXITFIXITFIXIT!" Obi-Wan screamed. Zan smacked her in the back of the head.

"QUIET!" she said as Kell stood. She walked over to the T.V and looked at the back.

"Weeeeeeeell. Everything's plugged in." she stated.

"And there's no storm so the power didn't go out." Zan said.

"Wait. I've read fan fics about these things. You smack the T.V and get sucked into the show you were watching!" Obi-Wan said. The three girls looked at each other, then a sadistic, crazy, insane, illogical, silly grin came over each of their faces.

"SMACK THE DAMN T.V!" Zan and Obi-Wan shouted to Kell. She smacked it.

"OW!" she shouted, holding her hand. Nothing happened.

"Well. It was worth a shot." Obi-Wan said.

"Yeah. But we still don't have FMA!" Zan cried.

"Well it was the first episode. We've seen it a million times." Kell said. They all sat in front of the T.V, staring at the blank screen.

**Ten minutes later…..**

"I'm boooooooooooored!" Zan said in a high pitched voice.

_Frrrrttttzzzzz_

"Wassat?" Obi-Wan asked. All six eyes fell to the television.

_Frrrrtttttzzzzzzzzzzzz_

"I think it's the T.V" Zan stated.

"Thank you Capita Obvious." Obi-Wan said.

_FRRRRSTTTTTTZZZZZZZZZ!_

Each girl shrieked and backed away from the tele.

"KELL YOUR T.V'S GONNA EAT US!" Zan screamed.

_**FRRRRTTTTTTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!**_

Suddenly, a picture appeared on the screen….well….actually it was just a purple screen.

"Go touch it." Kell said to Zan and Obi-Wan.

"Hell no! You do it!" Zan said.

"We'll all do it!" Obi-Wan said. Kell and Zan nodded. "Uh….alright. In case something happens. Everyone hold hand's so we don't get lost." she said. Again a nod.

"LET'S GO ALREADY!" Kell shouted.

"KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!" her mom screamed from the back. The girls flinched.

"'Kay. Here we go." Obi-Wan said as she moved toward the screen. She poked it and it rippled, then turned green. "GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" she shrieked and dove head first into the green screen, dragging her two friends with her.

"AAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed as they fell.

"WE'RE FALLING!" Kell shouted.

"THANK YOU CAPITAN OBVIOUS!" Zan shrieked.

"LOOK GROUND! I WONDER IF IT'LL BE MY FRIEND! HELLO GROUND!**(1)**" Obi-Wan yelled above the roar of the wind passing by them. They all looked at each other.

"WE'RE GONNA ASPLODE WHEN WE HIT!" Zan screamed.

_DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN!_

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1) For those who've seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy you know what I'm talking about.

Review please!


	2. Big fluffy pillow of softness!

Authors Note: WHEE! Weeeeeeeeel here's chapter two for you who took enough time to read and review my very random story...well...crazy-tuded at the very least.

And now I'm Cait in the story (Yes these are all real people, well, aside from the FMA charrys but you should know that :3)

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**Oh Shnaple**

_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…._

"_WE'RE GONNA ASPLODE WHEN WE HIT!" Zan screamed._

Kell smacked Zan the best she could as they fell.

"Shut up you baka! It's a desert! Look!" she screamed.

"Maybe the sand'll be so soft it won't hurt us!" Obi-Wan shouted as they neared the ground.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Zan shrieked. This time Kell and Obi-Wan smacked her.

"SHUT UP! We're not gonna die!" Kell said. All three girls looked to the ground.

"LOOK! IT'S ED AND AL!" Obi-Wan yelled as she spotted grey and red dots below them.

"GOD DAMN! HOW FREAKING HIGH ARE WE THAT ED AND AL JUST LOOK LIKE DOTS!" Kell screamed.

"I dunno!" Obi-Wan answered. She smirked. "BUT ED ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE A DOT!" she yelled. Oh if looks could kill Obi-Wan would be twelve feet under, covered in cement and poisonous tree frogs.

"YOU WHORE!" Kell yelled and let go of Zan's hand to try to tackle Obi-Wan.

**Ed and Al's POV**

"Nii-san! Look!" Al said as he pointed to the sky. Ed looked up to see three people falling straight at them. "I think they're girls nii-san!" Al said.

"I think you're right Al." Ed replied.

"Well do something! They'll die if they hit the ground!" Al said frantically.

"Yeah. Right!" Ed said as he began to draw a transmutation circle.

**The girl's POV**

"YOU PALM TREE LOVING FREAK! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Kell screamed at Obi-Wan as she tried to strangle her.

"DON'T CALL ENVY A PALM TREE YOU VERTICALLY CHALLENEGED SHRIMP LOVER!" Obi-Wan screamed back.

"GUYS LOOK!" Zan yelled. Obi-Wan and Kell looked down. There was a large white thing on the ground below them.

"It looks like a pillow!" Kell yelled. "Guys! Flatten out so we slow down!" she yelled.

"It's not gonna do anything!" Obi-Wan said. "We'd be better using our shirts as parachutes!" The girls looked at each other and smiled.

**Ed and Al's POV**

The girls landed with a _PWOOF _on the giant pillow Ed had transmuted.

"It looked like they had parachutes, nii-san!" Al said as he and Ed climbed onto the pillow to help the girls down.

"Hey! Are you guys alright?" Ed called.

**The girl's POV**

"Hey! Are you guys alright?" Ed called. Obi-Wan, Zan and Kell all sat up as Ed and Al came into view.

"AH! SORRY SORRY!" Al yelled and covered his eyes as Ed was trying not to gape.

"PERVERTS!" all three girls screamed as they covered their torso's with their shirts.

"Great idea Obi-Wan!" Zan accused as they all pulled their shirts back on.

"It slowed us down a bit didn't it!" Obi-Wan shot back.

"Come on you twits." Kell said as she climbed off of the pillow. Obi-Wan and Zan followed.

"Uhhh…..sorry for….well…umm…" Ed stammered. "I'm Edward Elric and this is…"

"Your brother, Alphonse Elric." Kell finished.

"Yeah! I guess our reputation is bigger than we thought, Al" Ed said to his younger sibling.

"So…umm. Who are you three?" Al asked the girls.

"I'm Sam, but everyone just calls me Kell." Kell said.

"I'm Jaimee, but everyone just calls me Zan." Zan said.

"And I'm Caitlyn but…well. Just call me Cait." Obi-Wan, or Cait rather, said.

"Well….nice to meet you all!" Al said in his overly uberly polite innocent little kid voice.

"Why were you falling from the sky?" Ed asked, unable to hold his question any longer.

"Well you see, Uhhh, yeah and then the thing a-and the vortex and, and, and, Uhhh, the T.V and umm.." all three girls stammered at once.

"Umm. Never mind." Ed said.

_DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!_

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Ummm….yeah…review please if'n you liked .

Oh and Thanks to **Fullmetal-flame-lover **and **Orangedcgirl **my first two reviewers yayz!


	3. SLUTWEAR!

**WHEE! **Thankies to all of my faithful reviewers! I hope I update fast enough for you . If not then...welll..uhhh...yeah...

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**Oh Shnaple**

_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…._

"_Well you see, Uhhh, yeah and then the thing a-and the vortex and, and, and, Uhhh, the T.V and umm.." all three girls stammered at once._

"_Umm. Never mind." Ed said._

"Look! A town!" Cait said as she pointed to Lior.

"Yeah." Zan agreed. All three girls leaned in so Ed and Al couldn't hear their conversation.

"Dude. We probably shouldn't spoil anything to them, ne?" Kell said.

"Yeah. Since we're in Episode One, we can't really say anything about the other episodes to them." Zan said.

"'Specially the last episode or episode twenty-five." Cait said.

"Yeah. They prolly don't even know about Lust or Gluttony…..or that palm tree…." Kell said. Cait shot her a death glare.

"_Anyway…._" Zan said, trying to prevent the fight that would inevitably break out. "We promise no to give anything away to Ed or Al….or Roy or anyone. Got it?" she said.

"Got it." Cait and Kell agreed. "Let's shake." Cait said.

"H-O-B-O UNITE!" the three girls said as they did their super secret, uberly discrete handshake of doom. (A/N: And yes. We actually do that handshake at school)

"Alright guys. Shall we get to town?" Kell suggested. Ed and Al nodded and the five of them headed for Lior.

**In Lior**

"So thirsty…" Ed said as he looked around. "Do you hear that?" he said. They all looked around. "It's water!" he said as he ran toward a fountain. "WATERWATERWATERWATERWATER!" Ed shouted as he ran for the fountain.

"Ed wait! That's not water!" the three girls shouted and ran after him. "It's wine! Not water!"

"How do you know that?" Al asked as they stopped by the fountain.

"Uhh..err…well…umm.." Cait and Zan stuttered.

"We're….ALCHEMISTS!" Kell said quickly. Zan and Cait shot her a confused look. "That's right. We can, err, see into the future. For a short time anywho." Kell said. She nudged Zan, who nudged Cait who, having no one to nudge, nudged Zan again, who nudged Kell, who nudged Ed.

"What?" Ed asked.

"Hey you kids! You know you're not suppose to be by there!" a voice shouted, making the three girls jump.

"IT WASN'T US WE WEREN'T NEAR IT WHEN IT HAPPENED!" they screamed.

**At the coffee shop…thing…**

"Sorry. I didn't know you weren't from around here." the man said.

"That's s'alright!" Cait said. She looked to her left and almost fell out of her chair. Her, Zan and Kell huddled together once more.

"Oh my freaking A! That's Lust you guys!" Zan said.

"Yeah I know! The slut!" Kell said as Cait and Zan giggled uncontrollably. Ed glanced over at them.

"Uhhh. We're leaving now you guys." he said as he and Al stood. And, as in Episode One, Al knocked over the radio.

"AHH!" the man said.

"Eh. I'd say it was a good loss." Cait said, causing several passerby's to gasp.

"You obviously don't know the things Father Cornello's capable of!" a man said.

"He works miracles!" another said.

"Sure. And I'm Brad Pitt." Kell said, sarcastically of course.

"Um. Al can fix your radio y'know?" Zan said. And sure enough, Al had already drawn a transmutation circle around the broken radio. He clapped his hands and placed them above the circle. And well, you get the rest.

"That's amazing!" a passerby said.

"He's like Father Cornello!" another exclaimed.

"Have you ever noticed that if Cornbaldo had smaller eyes and a blonde curl, he'd look a lot like Alex Louis Armstrong, the Strong Arm Alchemist." Zan said, saying Armstrong's name in a deep, manly voice. Kell and Cait started to crack up.

"Well isn't it exciting today?" Rose said as she came up to the coffee shop thing. Cait's eyes widened.

"SLUT!" she screamed pointing at Rose.

_DUN DUN DUNNNNN!_

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A bit shorter I admit, but oh well . Thankies to those who've reviewed! I LOVE YOU NOW! cough Well……sorta. Like a nii-san .


	4. Do ya feel lucky? Do ya, punk?

omg. THANK YOU for the reviews . I honestly didn't think I'd get more than five XD. And look! I have, like, ten! Twice as many than I thought I'd get! YAYZ!

Well, here's chappie four for you guys!

DISCLAIMER: Thought it might be nice since it's not in any of my other chapters. I only own Cait, Kell and Zan. And the crazy things we do. If I owned FMA there would be much, much, MUCH more random moments.

**Oh Shnaple **

_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…_

"_SLUT!" she screamed pointing at Rose._

"What?" Rose asked, bewildered. Zan and Kell promptly slammed their hands over Cait's mouth.

"She said…uh…cut! Yeah cut! She err….cut her finger! That's what she said!" Kell said. Cait stuck her tongue out and licked Kell and Zan's hands. The removed their hands, looked at them, then wiped the spit onto Cait's forehead.

"EUGH! Gross!" Cait said and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Well, anyway. Just off to the church. See you all later." Rose said and walked off.

"Hmm…that kinda reminded of that one Foamy the Squirrel**(1) **episode….were Foamy's all like, 'SLUTWEAR dundundundundundun!' like a song." Cait rambled.

"Hmmm…I still think that Cornello's a load of crap." Ed said to the girls as they walked toward the church.

"Well obviously. He's probably using the incomplete form of the Philosopher's Stone." Kell said. Ed looked at her.

"Doi! I knew it!" he exclaimed. There was a chorus of 'Sure you did' behind him. He whipped around to see Kell, Cait, and Zan all whistling.

"What?" Zan asked. Ed opened his mouth, but said nothing.

When they reached the church, Ed turned to the girls, who, for some reason, were still whistling.

"You girls stay here. It could get dangerous." he ordered them.

"WHAT!" Cait nearly yelled.

"NO WAY!" Kell nearly yelled.

"NUH-UH!" Zan yelled. (a/n hah! Got you!)

"Yes." Ed said in a firm voice. "C'mon Al." The girls watched as Ed and Al ran off toward the church. The girls huddled together.

"Dude! We know everything about the show and he thinks he can just leave us here!" Kell said.

"I know! For a shrimp, he's pretty…." Cait began an insult, but a death glare from Kell made her stop short.

"Still you guys." Zan said, stepping between the two, "We really don't need to help them…..but let's go anyway!"

"Yeah! H-O-B-O UNITE!" the girls sang then ran to the church themselves.

**At ze Church-eth**

"OH MY FREAKING GOD ENVY'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!" Cait shrieked as they entered the church. Her squeal echoed around the halls. Kell and Zan slapped her in the back of the head.

"Shut up baka!" Kell said.

"Stupid blonde!" Zan said.

"Oh like you're one to talk." Cait retorted.

"It came from over here!" a voice shouted.

"SHIT! RUN!" the three girls yelled and ran…..toward the voice, and were surprised when they were caught by a preacher-guard dude.

"OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU!" Zan shouted. The guy turned around and the three girls ran like hell. "HAHA! Made you look!" Zan called over her shoulder.

"Nice one! Slap me some skin!" Kell said and Zan high-fived her, then Cait.

"AHHH! He's after us!" she yelled as she looked behind them. "Run faster! As if someone were chasing us with nude pictures of Guy-Sensei!" All three girls screamed and ran faster. Soon they left the guard guy behind.

They ran into a room and slammed the door behind them, panting hard. They looked up to see Ed, Al, Rose and Father Cornello all staring at them.

"Uh…heh heh. Did we, err, interrupt something?" Kell asked as they all sweat dropped (if they could they did).

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now you can die like your friends! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Father Cornello said.

"Dude. You did your evil laugh WAY wrong." Cait said. "It's like this. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she said, sound exactly like an evil super villainess. Everyone stared at her. "Uhhh….heh heh." she said.

"ED SAVE US!" Kell said and ran behind Ed.

"AL SAVE US!" Zan said and ran behind Al.

"That's not FAIR you guys! I have no one to hide behind because the guy I like is evil!" Cait said. She crossed her arms and pouted. With all of their stupidity, the girls didn't notice Cornello making a machine gun with his Philosopher Stone…thingy.

"HAH!" he said and started to shoot.

"AH! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" Cait shouted as she ran behind the wall Ed had transmuted. She looked down and screamed.

"WHAT! DID YOU GET SHOT?" Kell and Zan said.

"WORSE! That bastard shot a hole in my Flogging Molly hoody!" she cried. "You!" she said, pointing to Ed. "Make me a gun!"

"Uhhh….ooook.." he said and transmuted a gun from…..the ground (a/n yeah yeah. It's not metal but it's my story and I don't care) Cait held it up.

"44. Magnum. Second most powerful gun in the universe. I know what you're thinking. Did she fire six shots, or only five. Now the question you have to ask yourself is. Do you feel lucky? Punk? Do ya?**(2)**" she said as she came out from behind the rock barrier. She shot at Cornello's hand, completely decimating his ring and most of his fingers.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rose squealed and ran as Cornello fell to the ground, holding what was left of his hand.

"MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HOW LUCK DO YA FEEL NOW, PUNK!" Cait cackled. Zan and Kell tackleglomped her.

"What the hell!" Kell yelled. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THE FUTURE!"

"Uhhh. Made it better! By a freaking long shot!" Cait said. "Besides. Cornello's ring would've gotten destroyed in time." she smiled, kinda like those faces you make with the shift key and the number six key.

"Umm….what exactly just happened?" Al asked, in his ever cute chorus boy polite voice.

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1) Foamy the Squirrel is FREAKING AWESOME! Ill will press . Com (no spaces and no capitals)

2) XDD. I say that a lot when I'm getting ready to shoot MY 44. Magnum. Yes. It's mine . Anywho, that's from an Alfred Hitchcock movie I think

A little longer than usual to update, sorry 'bout that. ". But I went over to Kell's omas' and we swam today. 'Twas fun. So yeah. I'm having a little bit of a brain-fart right now, so I need to call Zan and Kell to find out what else I could put in meh story. So yeah….


	5. Envy glompage and they're screwed

Yeah. Envy's in this chapter for a little bit! SQUEE! Anywho...thanks for the reviews to those who actually did! Glad you like meh story!

chapter five!

**Oh Shnaple**

_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…_

"_Umm….what exactly just happened?" Al asked, in his ever cute chorus boy polite voice._

"Well, I do believe I just shot off most of Cornello's right hand." Cait said smiling.

"Well….maybe we should go before you shoot anyone else's hand off." Ed suggested. The three girls and Al agreed and they left the temple.

"Ok Ed. You're going to want to make a decoy of Al." Kell said to Ed. He looked at her with a 'why' look.

"Because. Outside there's gonna be a mob of angry towns people and they're gonna capture you and smash the decoy Al to pieces." Zan said.

"WHAT!" Ed and Al said at the same time.

"That's right. And in the meantime, Cornello's gonna show Rose a chimera that talks so she thinks that Cain has been brought back to life, and then he's gonna leave her there and the chimera's gonna try to eat her and then Al's gonna save her and then…." Cait said.

"WE GET IT!" Kell said, smacking her arm.

"Anyway. Wait….." Zan began. She punched Cait in the arm. "YOU IDIOT!"

"Whaaaaaaaaat!" Cait asked.

"Since you destroyed Cornello's ring so early, he won't try to fuse the machine gun with his arm again, and so he won't go complain to Lust and he won't get eaten by Gluttony and Envy won't be able to take his place as Cornello!" she said.

"Unless he goes to Lust now and then we'll have the Homunculi after us!" Kell said. The three girls looked at each other.

"Aw shit!" they all groaned.

"Way to go Caitlyn!" Kell said.

"Smooth as ice!" Zan said.

"Well…..the Homunculi won't come after me if I'm on their side!" Cait said.

"WHAT?" Kell, Zan, Ed and Al said.

"Yeah! That's right!" Cait said. She ran past her gaping friends and up the stairs and out of sight.

"That stupid blonde!" Kell moaned.

**Cait's POV**

"Hmm…now where were they hiding?" Cait asked herself as she opened a door. Lust and Gluttony were standing by the window, looking down at the angry mob that was already forming.

"Who are you?" Lust asked as her nails elongated to Cait's neck.

"Put them away. I'm not here to fight. Geeze. How could I. A teenager against Lust and Gluttony. What kind of idiot do you take me for?" Cait asked. Lust's nails retreated.

"So what do you want?" she asked as Cait walked over to her.

"ENVY!" Cait squealed jumping up and down. Lust went wide eyed and backed away from the teen. Cait grabbed Lust's wrists. "WHERE IS HE! WHERE IS HE! WHERE IS HE!" she screamed.

"He uh…he's….umm…" Lust stammered.

"Right here." Envy said as he walked into the room. It took all of Cait's will power not to faint on the spot.

"Zomygod." she said. "You're Envy."

"Yeah. What do you want?" he asked. Cait didn't respond. A wild look came into her eyes.

_I want to tackle glomp him. _

_No. He'd probably kill me. _

_So what!_

_Well. I'd be dead for one. _

_So! At least I would've glomped him!_

_Well I don't overly want to die._

_But. But. But I wanna!_

_No. _

_Yes._

_No._

_Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! _

_No! No! No! Yes Yes Yes! DO IT DO IT!_

Her logic conscious lost to her blonde conscious.

"ENVYYYY!" Cait shrieked and ran at him. He stepped to one side but Cait grabbed his arm.

"AURGH!" he said as she tackled him.

**Ed, Al, Kell and Zan's POV**

"I wonder where Caitlyn went." Kell asked Zan as they were being carried by the angry mob along with Ed.

"Dunno. Though if she's found Envy she probably tackleglomped him." Zan replied.

"Yeah." Kell agreed.

"Don't you two care we're being carried away by an angry mob!" Ed asked them. They looked at him.

"No not really, no." they replied. He sweat dropped. The three of them were thrown into a room and chained to a wall. The people who captured them left.

"Alright Ed. Use your alchemy to get us out of these chains." Kell said, confident that he could do it.

"How do you expect me to draw a transmutation circle?" he asked her.

"Can you clap your hands?" she asked.

"I think so. But what do you want me to do? Applaud the fact we've been captured?" he asked.

"No. Clap your hands and touch your chains." Zan said. Ed rolled his eyes.

"Ok. I'll play along." he said. Kell and Zan smirked as he clapped his hands and touched the chains. A blue lightening came from his hands and the chains broke.

"How did I do that!" Ed asked as he looked at his hands.

"We'll tell you later. Just get us out of here now." Kell said. Ed nodded and walked over to them.

**Cait's POV**

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Envy yelled as he tried to stand.

"No!" Cait said and squoze Envy harder.

"Wow Envy. Overpowered by a little girl. How amusing." Lust said. He glared at her.

"I'm not a little girl! Thank you very much!" Cait fumed.

"Lust. Can I eat her?" Gluttony asked, pointing to Cait who was still on top of Envy.

"Hell no you can't eat me!" Cait said.

"WILL YOU GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Envy shouted. Cait looked down at him.

"Say please." she said, smiling.

"What? No!" he shot back.

"Well then. I guess I stay on you." she said. He grunted and pushed her off. Cait landed on her butt a few feet away.

"Geeze. Rude much?" she asked, standing. Envy stood and walked over to where Lust and Gluttony stood. Cait walked over to them.

"Go away!" Envy said.

"No. Now I know _everything _that's going to happen in the future." she said. Envy snorted. (a/n scary)

"Heh. Yeah right." he said.

"I do." she said.

"Name one thing. Just to prove yourself." Lust said.

"Ok. I know that the towns folk captured Ed and two girls. And also that Cornello's going to come soon and complain to Lust that the Philosopher Stone replica didn't work and you're going to have Gluttony there eat him. Then Envy's going to pose as Cornello so the people keep believing in him, eventually leading to a rebellion against the military." Cait said. Lust and Envy were in shock.

"You can pick your jaws up off the floor now." Cait smirked.

"How do you know all of that!" Envy asked.

"I'm just cool like that Envy m'dear." Cait replied.

**Ed, Zan and Kell's POV**

"You think Cornello's gotten eaten yet?" Kell asked Zan.

"Dunno. But shouldn't we be in episode two right about now?" Zan asked.

"Yeah. Maybe because we're still in Lior it's like, kinda one episode." Kell said.

"But what happens when we get to episode three? Where it flashes back to where Ed and Al were kids?" Zan said.

"Uhhh…." Kell said. "Look! It's Envy!" she said, pointing to the Cornello who was coming like he'd just come back from a journey.

"I guess we find out soon." Zan said. Suddenly everything started to fade to black and Kell and Zan were falling.

"ZOMYGOD!" Zan shrieked.

**Cait's POV**

Cait watched as Envy came into town looking like Cornello. "Hah!" she said to Lust. Then, Lust and Gluttony started to fade to black and Cait was falling. Son she was by Kell and Zan.

"What the hell you guys!" she asked them as they fell.

"I dunno!" Kell yelled.

"You don't need to yell!" Zan screamed.

"THEN WHY ARE YOU!" Cait shouted.

"Look!" Kell said as she pointed below them. They were now falling toward a grassy hillside where three children were running about.

"I think that's Ed, Al and Winry!" Zan said.

"No duh! We're in episode three now, right?" Cait said.

"Yeah and now there's no pillow for us to land on! We're screwed!" Kell said. All three girls screamed.

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Uhhh….yeah. Chappie five everybody! round of applause Woo! Wheee! Bow down before MEEEE! BWHA! cough cough yeah. I'll try to have more like, KellxEd, ZanxAl, and CaitxEnvy. Try. Don't know how it'll work out.

Review PLEASE!


	6. LAURA YOU DUMB BLONDE!

Sorry for taking a while to update --" having a brain fart. So yeah. The new person in this here little fic is Laura, my bff. She read it and wanted to be in it so I added her in! Her name on here is asiratalon if anyone wants to look her up! So yeah. On with ze ficcy!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Just the ramdomosity and my friends who I've locked in my basement...

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**Oh Shnaple**

_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…_

"_Yeah and now there's no pillow for us to land on! We're screwed!" Kell said. All three girls screamed. _

"OH KUSO! KUSO! KUSO!" Zan shouted.

"I don't see how we're gonna get out of this one!" Cait yelled.

"Uhhh! Uhhh! Maybe if we land on our butts, it won't do as much damage!" Kell suggested.

"Yeah! If we didn't want to sit for a week!" Zan retorted.

"Better than dying! Let's try it!" Cait said. They all sat on the air as they fell.

The three girls hit the ground with a _SAOOMPFH! _

**Ed, Al and Winry's POV**

"Ed? What was that sound?" Winry asked Ed, looking at him a puzzled look on her face.

"Dunno, Win. Let's go check it out! C'mon Al!" Ed said, and ran off in the direction of the sound.

**The girl's POV**

"Zan! Kell!" Cait called, looking for her friends. "God damn. I'm sure I broke my ass." she said, rubbing her bum. "KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL! ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" she yelled.

"Over here!" Kell's voice said. Cait ran over to where she was standing with a very muddy bum. "I think I broke my ass." she said, rubbing her butt.

"That's what I said." Cait replied.

"GUYS!" Zan shrieked. The two ran over to where Zan stood, three kids around her. "IT'S ALPHONSE! AS A KID!" Kell and Cait sweat dropped.

"You lame-o! We thought you were in trouble!" Kell said.

"Like what? Me going and getting myself killed like Hughes in episode twenty-five?" Zan asked. "Bah! Pish Posh!"

Suddenly, everything started to swirl in black. "Noooooooooow what?" Cait asked as they were, yet again, falling.

"Dunno." Kell said. Though soon they were in the middle of a transmutation circle laden room.

"OMG you guys. OMG! Look around!" Zan shrieked. Her eyes fell on Roy. She twitched.

"Oh. Snap." Kell said. Her and Cait both clamped their ears over their head. Wait. Hands over their ears.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT'S ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Zan shrieked. The window in Roy's room shattered., as did several paint cans and Hughes' glasses. Roy and Hughes were sitting, a look of pure confusion and pain on their faces.

"Uhhh. Are you guys alright?" Kell asked, taking her hands from her ears. Cait did the same.

"WHAT?" Hughes shouted. "I DIDN'T HEAR YOU. WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"Ow! Take it down a notch Hughes!" Cait said. Zan was looking at Roy hungrily, resisting from jumping on him, ripping his clothes off and do…..well….let's not go there. (a/n coughnaughtythingscough)

"Oh Shnaple." Zan suddenly said. "We're in episode 25 you guys. You know what that means. Eeeck!" she said, making the off-with-you-head motion.

"OH KUSO!" Kell shrieked.

"No good! One of us will hafta follow Hughesey there around!" Cait suggested. "I should! Being as Envy kills--" Kell slammed her hand against Cait's mouth. Zan started wailing.

"POOR GRACIA! POOR ELISIYA!" she cried. Hughes and Roy still couldn't hear jack shit, so they sat, a dumbfounded look on their faces.

**Roy's POV**

_Ow. My ears. Wait….is this what I sound like? Weird. I sound way different in my head! My voice is all squeaky and girl like. Hmmm…..Am I a pretty girl? Wait. If I'm a girl, maybe I can finally ask Maes out! Then we could go do naughty things in my room….heh heh heh……_

**Roy's REAL POV**

_Ow. My ears. Damn that girl's loud! She shattered my windows! What is she saying now? I think she deafened me….._

**Girl's POV**

"I don't think they can hear us." Kell said.

"Let's find out!" Cait said. "ROY! HUGHES! CAN YOU HEAR US?" she yelled. They sat, looking at the three girls.

**Hughes' POV**

_Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia._

**Hughes' REAL POV**

_Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. Elysia. _(a/n: --")

**Girl's POV**

"I guess they can't hear us." Zan determined.

"I guess we wait for their hearing to come back." Kell said.

"Yeah. THANKS A LOT ZAN." Cait said, glaring at Zan.

"Well. While we're waiting. How'd we get here in the first place? I mean, we're s'pose to be in episode three, right?" Kell asked.

"Maybe, because one of us thought about it, we switched episodes?" Zan said.

"Yep. That would be the logical explanation." Cait said. "Well….I'M BOOOOOOOOOOOORED!"

"Yea. All of us are. We have to wait I guess." Kell said. They all sighed.

_A few minutes later…._

"Can you hear me now?" Kell asked Hughes. He nodded. "SUCCESS!" she shouted, nearly deafening him once more.

"Can you hear me now?" Zan asked Roy, drooling all over his pants.

"Uhhh….yeah." he said.

"YAY! HE CAN HEAR!" Zan squealed, making Roy fall back out of his chair.

"Can you hear me now?" Cait asked the window. "That's okay. Take your time."

"Yes." the window answered. Cait fell over.

"Who exactly are you?" Roy asked, standing.

"Well I'm Zan. That's Kell and Cait!" Zan said, pointing to her friends. "We're…. uhhh…."

"ALCHEMISTS!" Kell said using her lie again.

"Yeah! And we can see into ze future!" Cait said.

"Really?" Hughes asked, eyeing the girls suspiciously.

"Yeah!" Zan answered.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHH!" A voice cried from above. Soon Kell, Zan and Cait's other friend was sitting in front of them.

"What the hell!" Laura said. She took one look around. "ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYY!" she screamed, though not as loud as Zan so no one was deafened.

"Is ZAN'S!" Kell and Cait said at the same time. "You can have Greed, remember?" Kell said.

"WAIT!" Zan said. "How the hell did you get here Laura!" she asked.

"I dunno. I was getting ready to watch FMA. And then it came on and it was episode 25 and I saw you guys so I was like, "what the hell?" so I touched my T.V and it turned purple so I was all like, "PURPLE!" and then I fell in and here I am!" she said in one continuous breath. She looked around again and her eyes fell on Hughes.

"Hughes? BUT YOU'RE DEAD!" she shrieked. "GHOST GHOST GHOST!"

"LAURA!" the three girls screamed. "SPOILERS! BAD BAD BAD!" they said and tackled her.

-------------------------------------------------

REVIEW PLEASE! I feed off reviews! You don't want me to starve do you?


	7. Much POV switching

Mucho Gracias to all of my reviewers! Please keep up the good work and review! YAYZ!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. As always except the radomnessness and my friends who I've moved to my closet.

Also! NightPredator is now in this here story! She is Sarah(or Sari) Yay! random cheering from above

**Oh Shnaple**

_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…_

"_LAURA!" the three girls screamed. "SPOILERS! BAD BAD BAD!" they said and tackled her._

"OW! GET OFFA ME!" Laura screamed.

"YOU BAKA!" Kell yelled.

"DUMB BLONDE!" Zan shrieked.

"YOU MORON!" Cait shouted.

"WHAT DID I DO!" Laura yelled.

"YOU JUST TOTALLY SPOILED THIS EPISODE TO ROY AND HUGHES! THAT'S WHAT!" Kell shouted.

"STOP!" Roy's voice barely rose above the girls' shouts. They all looked at him. "What is going on?" he asked.

"Well. Laura just totally gave away the future! And that's a BAD THING!" Cait said, smacking Laura in the arm.

"That I'm going to die?" Hughes asked.

"Uhhh…..yeah. Basically." Zan said.

"But. But. But. Elysia! And Gracia! WHAT WILL I DOOOOOOOOOOOO?" Hughes sobbed. The four girls looked at each other as Roy comforted Hughes. Then, Zan, Kell and Cait all glared at Laura.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HUGHES!" they all screamed at her.

"LIKE I WAS SUPPOSE TO KNOW! GEEZE!" Laura retorted.

"Well. We can't do anything now." Kell said.

"Except find Envy before he gets to Hughes." Zan said. They all looked to Cait.

"What?" she asked. "YAY! I get to find Envy!" she squealed. She shot up and started to jump around like she was on crack….or Mountain Dew. They both have about the same effect.

"Uhhh. It's okay Hughes. Cait here will find Envy before he finds you." Zan said.

"Unless it's like in episode 51 where Riza…." Laura began before Zan and Kell tackled her.

"DON'T THINK." Zan said.

"About any other episode or we'll go there." Kell finished.

"Oh. Okay. Got it." Laura said and smiled.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" yet another voice cried from above. A few seconds later, a girl with short brown hair was sitting in front of the four girls.

"OW! What the hell!" the girl asked as she stood.

"Who are you?" Kell, Zan, Cait and Laura asked at once.

"I'm Sarah, or Sari….whichever you prefer. More importantly, who the hell are you guys and why are you in FMA?" Sari asked.

"Okay. What is this FMA you all keep talking about?" Roy asked.

"Fullmetal Alchemist." all five girls answered. Roy and Hughes looked confused.

"Fullmetal? What has he got to do with any of this?" Roy asked.

"No. Fullmetal Alchemist. Not Ed." Sari said.

"Yeah." Zan agreed.

"Or Hagane no Renkinjutsushi in Japanese." Kell said.

"Or Hagaren for short." Cait said. Roy and Hughes seemed very, very confused now.

"Wait….what?" Roy asked.

"It's a T.V show. Anime. Y'know?" Laura said. Roy and Hughes shook their head.

"No. They don't have T.V remember?" Sari said.

"Well. Anyway. Hi Sari! I'm Cait, that's Kell, Zan and Laura." Cait said.

"Nice to meet you!" Sari said.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!" Roy yelled. The five girls stared at him.

"Well……um…..I don't know. I just wanted to be in the band." Cait said then laughed.

"Well. She's going to go find Envy whilst we protect-eth you Hughes." Kell said.

"Alright. Then what?" Hughes asked.

"Well….." Zan began.

"We haven't gotten that far yet." Laura finished.

"_I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay! I sleep all night and I work all day! He's a lumberjack and he's okay! He sleeps all night and he works all day!" _someone sang. Cait nearly jumped. Nearly.

"THAT'S MY PHONE!" she shrieked and reached for her pocket. She flipped open her cell. "Hello?" she said. "Oh Hi mum!" she said nervously. "Where am I? Uhhh…..at Kell's of course! NANI! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE COMING TO GET ME!"

"Oh shit." Kell said. Cait waved at her to be quiet.

"You can't come get me yet! Why? Because…….Uhhh…….we're….err….watching a movie! Yeah! We've decided to watch the LOTR trilogy. Lord of the Rings mum. NANI! Please please please let me stay! I know I've seen them a million times! But but but!"

"Say you're spending the night!" Zan suggested. Cait nodded.

"I'm spending the night at Kell's okay? WHY NOT! SO WHAT! But. But. But. I can't come home yet! Because…….we're playing hide and seek and I'm 'it' so I have to find them! Ok. Call you when the game's over. Love ya bye." Cait said, then hung up.

"NO GOOD!" Laura said. Sari looked around.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell…..Uhhh….. Let's go find Envy! It's like hide and seek right?" she said.

"GREAT IDEA!" Kell said. "Okay. Plan time. How about Zan and Sari come with me to protect Hughes. Then Cait and Laura can go find Envy and make sure he doesn't get to Hughes! Got it everyone?" she said. Everyone but Zan nodded.

"BUT I WANNA STAY WITH ROOOOOOOOOY!" she wailed.

"Uhhh… Okay. You go with Roy then!" Kell said. Zan squealed.

"Ready. BREAK!" Sari said. The five girls high fived each other. Kell and Sari went over to Hughes while Zan went over to Roy. Cait and Laura went out the door.

**Cait and Laura's POV**

"Alright Miss I-Know-Everything-there-is-to-know-about-FMA. Where's Envy?" Laura asked Cait.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………………………………..." Cait said. Laura sweat dropped.

"You loser." she said.

"Let's go…..this way." Cait said and pointed to the left.

_A few minutes later…._

"Are you Sure you know where the hell you're going?" Laura asked Cait as they walked.

"Uhhh…yeah." Cait said uncertainly.

"You have no CLUE where you're going…do you?" Laura said.

"Umm….heh heh. Funny story actually." Cait said.

**Zan and Roy's POV**

Zan was sitting on Roy's lap, looking at him and drooling on his pant leg.

**Kell and Sari's POV**

"SHE'S SO CUTE!" Sari screeched as she held Elysia.

"I know! Isn't she?" Hughes said as he made little googly faces.

"Umm…Yeah. She's adorable." Kell said. "So what is there to do here Hughes?" she asked.

"You could help me bake an apple pie for Edward." Gracia said.

"OKAY!" Sari and Kell said at once.

**Cait and Laura's POV**

"Well. We could always just go find the Lieutenant Ross who doesn't have a mole under her eye." Cait suggested.

"Moley. Moley. Moley!" Laura said.

"Right. Let's go!" Cait said and they ran off toward Central.

**Zan and Roy's POV**

"Please?" Zan asked.

"No." Roy answered.

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty Please with sugar and a cheery on top?" Zan asked with her best pouty face.

"…" Roy stared at Zan. He just couldn't resist. "Fine." he said. Zan squeaked with excitement. She followed Roy outside. "Here we go." he said, pulling on his glove.

_Snap. _

_Fwooosh!_

"WEEEEHEEEE!" Zan squealed as she jumped up and down. "It's even cooler in person!"

**Kell and Sari's POV**

"Wow girls! That apple pie looks great!" Gracia said as she started to cut it.

"Thanks!" Sari and Kell said together.

"Only one problem." Kell began as Gracia took a bite. "We couldn't find the sugar, so we used what looked like sugar."

"This!" Sari said and held up a container. It was clearly labeled 'SALT'. Gracia spit out the pie and rushed for the bathroom.

"Was that a bad thing?" Kell asked, looking at Sari.

"I don't think so! It looked like sugar! And how were we suppose to know it was salt?" Sari said.

"Well we could've tasted it for one." Kell said.

"I did!" Sari replied. "It tasted like sugar to me!"

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Well. There's chappy sheven! Woot! And I updated this one fast for all of you impatient peoples out there. Well, the basic ender. REVIEW PLEASE! I LOVE reviews! J


	8. Who be the mysterious person?

-1**Oh Shnaple**

_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…._

"_I did!" Sari replied. "It tasted like sugar to me!"_

"Oh." Kell replied. "Well…….I hope Gracia's not TOO angry with us" At that moment, Hughes came out of the back room and into the kitchen.

"What's wrong with Gracia! OH! PIE!" he said and took a piece.

"Hughes! Wait!" Sari and Kell cried. He took a bite.

"Mmmmm! This pie is delicious!" he said and shoved the rest of the piece in his mouth. Kell and Sair fell over in a very anime-ish style way with the little swirly things above their heads. Suddenly, the sticker on the salt box fell off, revealing a sugar label. Elysia came from behind Hughes and began to giggle.

**Cait and Laura's POV**

"Uhhh….yeah. We're looking for Maria Ross." Cait said to the receptionist at Central HQ.

"Ross….Ross….Ah. Room 666." the receptionist replied. Cait and Laura looked at her before shrugging and walking off to room 666.

"Scuze me. Lieutenant Ross?" Cait asked as they entered the room. Ross was standing by the window. She turned.

No mole.

Cait squealed.

"ENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" she shrieked, deafening anyone that was in the near vicinity. Including Laura, Envy, and anyone else within a mile radius. Cait lunged at Envy and tackled him to the ground. He changed back to himself.

"Augh! You again!" he said and tried to push Cait off.

"AH! YOU REMEMBER ME!" she said. "We skipped 24 episodes and you remembered! I'm so happy!"

"GET OFF!" Envy yelled.

"No!" Cait said, sounding like Ron from potter puppet pals (1).

"I CAN'T HEAR!" Laura screamed as she stomped over to Cait. She grabbed her hood and yanked her off Envy.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNVVVVVVVVVVYYYYYYYYYYY!" Cait squealed.

**Zan and Roy's POV**

"I'm bored." Zan said to Roy as they sat in his office. "I hope Ob-Wan and Laura have found Envy by now." Roy sighed.

"Yea." he said as he twirled his pen around, not doing his paperwork. The door burst open, hitting the wall, making Zan, Roy, and the dust bunnies under Roy's couch jump. Riza walked in, gun in hand.

"I KNOW you're doing your paper work Colonel." she said. Zan jumped up and ran to hug her.

"RIZA! YOU'RE THE COOLEST!" she said as she glomped the Lieutenant to the ground.

"Who are you?" Riza asked as Zan got off of her and stood.

"I'm Jaimee! But you can call me Zan." Zan said as Roy feverishly wrote on the papers. Suddenly, the door burst open again, leaving a badger sized hole in the wall.

"WE'RE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Cait sang as her and Laura dragged a bound and gagged Envy into the room. They threw him onto the couch. "AND WE HAVE ENVY!"

"LET ME GO!" Envy said, but, due to the plum shoved in his mouth, it sounded like "Vroovroovroooooooom!"

"No." Cait said, understanding him perfectly. She closed the door, only to have it slammed open again. It hit the wall and left a kinkajou sized hole in the wall.

"Guess who's back!" Kell said.

"Back again!" Sari said.

"Hughes is back!" Hughes sang.

"Tell a friend!" all three sang. Everyone in the office looked at them.

"Umm…yeah. And I see you have Envy!" Sari said.

"Yeah!" Cait said smiling. She sat on Envy's stomach. "Anywho. Now that we're all here…..what do we do?" she asked.

"Uhhh…."

"Errm…"

"Hmmmm"

"I haven't the foggiest idea." Kell finally said.

"I've got it! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sari said.

"Yeah." Zan nodded. "But don't we need a pool to play marco-polo?" Everyone sweat dropped.

"No! We could be all like in episode…..Ok. I don't know which one it was but the one with the mysterious warehouse 13!" Sari said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Kell, Cait, Zan and Laura all screamed as everything started to fade to black.

"WAHH! WHAT'S GOING ON?" Sari shrieked.

"If you start to think about an episode you'll go theeeeeeeeeeeeeere!" Kell said.

"Well you could've TOLD ME!" Sari screamed back.

"THINK OF EPISODE 25 AGAIN!" Zan said to everyone.

"I caaaaaaaaaaan't! all I can think of is the last episode where Ed diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies!" Cait yelled. Suddenly a wide yellow-ish orange room came into view.

"WAY. TO. GO. CAITLYN!" Kell, Laura, Zan, and Sari all shrieked.

"Sorrrrrrrry!" Cait yelled. They all landed hard on their butts in the middle of the ballroom thingy in the last episode. Ed was fighting Envy, Al was being eaten by Gluttony, and Dante (the whore) was standing by Rose (the other whore).

"Okay. Well, we're here now. Who wants to help Ed not get killed?" Kell asked. All five girls raised their hands.

"Right. I'll take Envy, Kell, you get Ed. Zan you like Al so you can go have fun with Gluttony. And Laura and Sari can go mug that slut Dante. Ready? BREAK!" Cait said. Everyone ran off in different directions.

"What the hell?" Dante shrieked as Laura and Sari tackled her, ripping off her necklace in the process. "Who the hell are you!" Dante screamed.

"HI!" I'm Sari and this is Laura!" Sari said as she sat on Dante's stomach and Laura sat on her legs. Laura pulled a handful of leaves out of her pocket and threw them in Dante's face.

"HAH! You've just been leafed by the leaf village!" she said.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH ENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNVVVVVVVVVVVVYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Cait yelled. Envy stopped in mid flip and turned to look at her.

"Oh. Shit." he said and took off running. Cait ran after him and Kell ran toward Ed.

"EDO!" she cried and tackleglomped him.

"Hey! Fat man!" Zan yelled at Gluttony. He looked up from Al and at Zan. She was waving a pop tart around. "Hungry for high cholesterol and artificial fruit?" she asked. Gluttony ran at her. She threw the pop tart to the side and he ran to devour it. Zan ran to Al.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAL!" she said and sat on his chest plate.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Cait laughed triumphantly as she sat on Envy's back. "Got you!" she said.

"Get the hell off you over-medicated sadistic psycho long-haired twit!" Envy said.

"Well THAT'S not a very nice thing to say, now is it? Where are your manners? Oh. Wait. They went with Hughes, when you killed him." Cait said.

"I never got a chance to kill him! After you tied me up, it took at least a hour to escape! No thanks to you!" Envy said.

"Well I'm glad I could've helped!" Cait shot back.

"ALPHONSE!" Zan squealed.

"Zan! What're you doing here?" Al asked the blonde.

"Well…..I'm sitting on you, dhur!" Zan replied.

"How'd you get here?" Al asked.

"So many questions! I fell from the sky! Like you did when you were born!" Zan said. It was oh so much fun to mess with the minds of the young.

"Wait. What?" Al said.

"EDOOOOOOOOOO!" Kell shrieked as she sat on Ed's stomach.

"Kell! What the hell? How did you get here?" Ed asked.

"Well……errrrm….I fell. From the sky!" Kell said.

"What?" Ed asked, confused.

"Yeah! Like…..like….that zeppelin that fell….wait….spoilers! Heh heh. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you!" Kell said.

"Well. Now what?" Sari asked Laura.

"Dunno." Laura replied.

"NOW WHAT?" Sari yelled, her voice echoing in the room.

"I DUNNO!" Cait yelled back.

"FOR SOME REASON THIS REMINDS ME OF NARUTO!" Kell yelled.

"Naru-what?" Ed asked.

"AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" came a scream from above.

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BWHAHAH! Fear my cliffy!

1) For those who've seen Potter Puppet Pals! 


	9. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

****

I am sooooooo sorry for not updating 'Oh Shnaple'! I've almost run out of idea's, so I really, really, really would appreciate some help with my fic. I need really random, really crazy, and really downright insane ideas for the Shnaple-ness. If you kind readers could pm me with some new ideas, it would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

Again I apologize --'

Ja ne!

----Walk-the-Night-With-Me----


	10. Oh Shnaple

**IS IT REALLY A NEW CHAPTER? AFTER NEARLY A YEAR?**

YES. YES IT IS.

Again and again, I cannot tell you how very apologetic I am to you all who've read my story XDD;;;;;;;;;. I honestly can't think of what to say, but here y'all go.

CHAPTER 10 of Oh Shnaple.

* * *

_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…_

"_Naru-what?" Ed asked._

"_AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" came a scream from above._

After an excruciating three seconds, a man in a black and red clouded cloak was sitting on the floor of the ballroom. He stared around, his black hair falling in his face.

"Who the hell--?" Ed asked from where he sat beneath Kell. Kell's eyes were wide as she looked over to where Cait sat atop Envy. Her eyes were wide.

"IIIIIIIIIITAAAAAAAAAACHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she shrieked at such an octave, that Beethoven heard it in his grave. Cait shot off of Envy so fast, it made fast go 'Dayum that's fast!' and had tackled Itachi. She sat on top of him now, sniffing his cloak. Envy sat up.

"Thank GOD that lunatic's off of me now!" he said as he stood. He took a step, slipping on the pop-tart wrapper that Gluttony had carelessly thrown in his fit of hunger. Envy fell onto his bum and shouted some obscene word. Everyone stared at him.

"ENVY!" Laura shouted. "THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT! ED! COVER YOUR EARS!"

"Shut up," Ed replied from beneath Kell, who was still staring at Cait, who was still caressing Itachi's robe.

"Get off of me you little ingrate," Itachi said.

"Neva! YOU'RE MINE, BIYATCH!" Cait shrieked in his ear. She glomped and they rolled a few feet. Cait was now sitting on Itachi, staring at his face.

"Manygekyou Sharingan!" he said. She continued to stare at him, a confused look on her face.

"But that should've put her into a world…OF PAIN!" Zan said. Kell, Sari and Laura all nodded. Itachi too, was dumbfooked.

"Why aren't you in the Tsukiyomi world?!" he yelled angrily.

"Elementary, mah dear Watson. I'm too blonde to be caught in your trap!" Cait replied, looking triumphant.

"That's not something to be proud of," Kell said, sweatdropping. Cait looked at her, thought about it for a moment, then replied.

"Oh."

"It doesn't matter! Get off!" Itachi said. Cait sighed.

"You're just as persistent as Envy was! OH! Envy!" she said, seeming to just remember her abandoned bishie. She leapt off Itachi, kicking him in his nether regions as she did, and flung herself back onto Envy.

"Ulf!" he said as he was severely tackle-glomped back to the ground, just as he had gotten up. Cait leapt off of him, grabbing his foot and dragging him back to where Itachi still lay on the ground, still dumbfooked. She threw Envy onto Itachi, then tackled them both.

"What the feck?" Sari asked from where she still sat upon Dante.

"Wait. So who IS this guy?!" Ed shouted, looking at Itachi. Cait looked over to him.

"Oh. Hell. You HAD to ask, Ed!!" Zan complained loudly. Cait grinned evilly.

"WEEEEEEEEEELL, YOU SEE..," she began, "Itachi is this guy who murdered his entire clan in the show Naruto, save for his little brother Sasuke who Itachi basically said to go feck himself and become stronger to kill him one day buuuuuuuuuuuuuut Sasuke turned evil and went to work for Orochimaru who is the evil dood in Naruto theeeen Sasuke was like 'BWAHAHAHAA ULTIMATE POWA' and his friends tried to stop him and then in then manga he was going to fight Itachi but it wasn't really Itachi and Sauske got pissed and went with Karin and his other Sound Village doodlies and went to go find the REAL Itachi, buuuuuuuuuuut before that when Sasuke wanted to go to Orochimaru, who, by zeh way, is a total pedophile, Naruto tried to stop him and got totally PWNED, and before THAT Itachi and Kakashi and Kisame and Asuma fought and Kakashi got Mangekyou Sharinganed and nearly died and THEN Naruto wanted revenge and Itachi was going to toally pwn him and take his Kyuubi until Jiraiya came and totally pwned Itachi and Kisame!!!!" she said in one, long arse, continuous breath that no human not high off Mountain Dew could ever think to conceive in the time Cait had.

Ed, Al, Dante, Envy, Itachi, Kell, Laura, Zan and Sari ALL STARED at her like she was a totally nut job who belonged with the crazy 'ole koots in those insane asylums you hear about on TV.

"Holy. Fecking. Shweitzer funk," Kell said. Zan looked at her.

"No kidding. I knew we shouldn't have let her buy Mountain Dew before we decided to watch FMA," she said. Laura nodded.

"Wait. Isn't that why this all happened? Because you wanted to watch FMA?" she asked. This time Sari nodded.

"Yeah!" she said. They all stopped and began to think.

"Oh crud. DOODS!" Kell suddenly said. Everyone looked at her, including Cait who was about to begin another ramble explaining the entire plot of Naruto and what's happened so far.

"Huh?" she said instead.

"What if, JUST WHAT IF, since we're here…what if we're totally fecking up the FMA plot line. WHAT IF PEOPLE CAN SEE US?!?!" she said, shouting the last part.

"Oh. Shnaple." Laura, Zan and Caitlyn all said in unison.

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DUN DUN DUN .

Oh slam. I updated, and left at ANOTHER cliffy XDD  
I also apologize for the rather shortness of this. Only around 850 words -.-;;;. Next shall be longer...hopefully it won't be another year XDDD;;;;;;;;


	11. Fexcellent

Did better on this chappie! Over 1000 words X3. Right around four pages I think.

Just fer y'all, all gift wrapped up special! XDD

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda XD

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_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…_

"_Oh. Shnaple." Laura, Zan and Caitlyn all said in unison._

"Wait wait wait wait wait WAIT guys! Listen!" Zan yelled. Everyone looked at her. "Kay, so we MIGHT not be totally messing with the plot! Maybe….uh…maybe people can only see us when we're in the parts of the show that are shown on t.v.!" she said.

"Huh?" Laura asked. Caitlyn sighed.

"I know what she's talking about. She's saying that like, when Hughes died, you didn't SEE anyone finding him, right? Well, Zan means that if we were at the part where he was shot, we'd be seen, but if we were at the part when he was found, we wouldn't!" she said.

"Exactly," Zan replied.

"I'm lost," Kell, Laura and Sari said together. Caitlyn and Zan sighed.

"Oh well. We're on the same page, so that's all that matters," Zan said. "Buuuuuuuuuut we need to get Itachi out of here before we screw more shiz up." Caitlyn nodded reluctantly.

"Well…I have a plan…," she said. She grabbed Itachi's arm and yanked him to his feet so he was standing by her. "So maybe if I think about Naruto, I'll go there, then I can drop Itachi off!" she declared. She closed her eyes in concentration. A few seconds passed.

"You're still here," Kell pointed out. Caitlyn opened her eyes.

"Well feck. That didn't work. Sorry, Itachi. You'll have to think of something!" she said, letting go of him and walking over to everyone else.

"Mmmkay, so what episode shall we go to to try and test out our theory?" Sari asked. They all shrugged.

"Episode 37," was all Caitlyn said before the ballroom, and Itachi, went into a swirling black mass.

When they landed, they were in the middle of Roy's office.

"Welcome to 'The Flame Alchemist, The Bachelor Lieutenant, and The Mystery of Warehouse 13.' Next stop, we haven't the foggiest," Caitlyn said as they looked around the empty office.

"Okay, so no one's here. That means no one outside can see us…hopefully," Sari said. Everyone nodded.

"So how're we going to test this theory of ours?" Laura asked. Everyone shrugged.

**Back at Kells…**

"Girls…I'm making some pizza!" Kell's mom called from the kitchen. She walked into the living room. "Girls…?"

**Back in FMA**

"Uh oh," Kell said suddenly. Everyone looked at her. "I just had the sneaking suspicion that my mother was just looking for us…," she said.

"Oh. Crap. We did kind of leave……uh…..," Laura said.

"Quick! Call her! Uhhh….tell her..uh…," Zan began. Suddenly someone's phone began to play 'Fur Elise.'

"Oh hell. That's HER," Kell said, flipping her phone from her pocket. "Heeelllooooo?" she answered.

"_WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!??! I COME IN HERE AND YOU'RE ALL GONE!?? WHERE DID YOU GO AND WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFOREHAND?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!"_

Kell was holding her cell as far away from her ear as possible. Caitlyn, Zan, Laura and Sari all stared in horror.

"RUUHUUHUUUN!!!" Caitlyn shouted as she dove behind Roy's plush leather couch. Laura, Zan and Sari all followed her, leaving Kell to deal with her mother alone.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhm……….," Kell said into the phone. "We……errrrr…….went…….to a disco. We're partying. I'll be home laterloveyoubye!!!" she said quickly, then slammed her phone shut and set it to silent.

"Safe at last," Zan said, coming from behind the couch. The doorknob began to turn. The girls' eyes widened.

"HIDE!" Laura hush-shouted. Everyone threw themselves into hiding places. Laura and Sari remained behind the couch, Zan dove under the couch, Kell flung herself behind the door, and Caitlyn squoze under Roy's desk.

The door opened slowly, hitting Kell in the nose. Havoc walked in, his cigarette lit and dangling dangerously from his mouth.

"Hn. Looks like Mustang ain't here," he said, plopping himself onto the couch. "I'll just wait til the Colonel gets back, I suppose," he said, blowing cigarette smoke into the air. Kell held the doorknob so the door wouldn't close and reveal herself.

"AAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

Havoc nearly leaped out of his skin as he fell onto the floor. He fell to where he could see under the couch. Zan squealed and Havoc shouted. Kell slammed the door and Laura and Sari both tackled Havoc. Caitlyn came out from under Roy's desk, looking bewildered.

"Who the hell sneezed!?!?" she asked. Everyone looked around.

"It wasn't any of us!" they all said.

"Who ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!" Havoc asked from where he was pinned beneath Sari and Laura.

"We're not people…," Sari said in a deep, demonic voice. Everyone laughed evilly.

"Liar!" Havoc shouted. The girls laughed.

"That's us!" Laura said.

"What are you doing in the Colonel's office?" Havoc asked.

"Better yet, what are YOU doing SMOKING in the Colonel's office, Mr. I-Want-Lung-Cancer-When-I-Turn-Forty-Five-And-Still-Live-In-My-Parents-Basement," Kell said.

"Hey! I do not live with my parents still!" Havoc defended. Caitlyn snorfed.

"Suuuuuuuure you don't," she said.

"Well, since I don't remember this happening in the 37th episode of FMA, I guess we're still not seen," Laura said. Kell dared to look down at her silenced phone.

1,263 missed calls.

In the last fifteen minutes.

"Holy. Shit. How the hell can she dial that fast!!" Kell shouted.

"Speed dial, dood. Speed dial," Sari said.

"_I'm a lumberjack and I'm oka--," _Caitlyn flipped open her phone so fast it was scary.

"H-hello?" she said.

"_I'm here. In the truck. Now," _her dad's voice cracked over the speaker.

She dropped her phone and it snapped shut.

"Oh. My. Dear. Lord," she said. Everyone stared at her. "My DAD is at your house, Kell."

"MAY THE SWEET BABY JESUS HAVE MERCY ON ALL OUR SOULS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kell shouted. Her, Zan and Laura all began to run around screaming. Caitlyn's phone began to ring again.

"DON'T ANSWER IT!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS ANIME!!!! DO NOT ANSWER IT!!!!" Laura shrieked. Caitlyn picked it up and held in in her hand for a moment, before '1 missed call' flashed on the screen.

"I am so dead," she said.

"What's so bad about your dad?" Havoc asked as he stood, finally freed. Caitlyn, Kell, Laura, and Zan all turned slowly toward him. Sari listened intently.

"My dad is like Chuck Norris. He can unscramble eggs. He can touch mirages. He knows the last number of pie. He can divide by zero. He can TOUCH M.C Hammer," Caitlyn said. Sari's eyes were wide.

"No one can unscramble eggs or divide by zero!" Havoc said and scoffed. Caitlyn got up into his face and stared at him, straight in the eyes.

"My dad can," she said, unblinking, without the tiniest bit of doubt in her voice.

"In other words…she's fecked. Upside down, backwards, and on fire while running," Zan said.

"Then go home," Havoc offered. They looked at him.

"We don't know how," Laura said.

"Well, how'd you get here?" Havoc asked.

"We thought about it," Sari said.

"Then think about your home," Havoc said, lighting another cigarette. The girls' jaws dropped to the floor.

"YOU'RE A GENIUS!" Zan squealed.

"Why didn't we think of that?" Kell asked.

"Well, we're dumber than a sack of hammers, that's why," Caitlyn said.

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Yes, that we are.

Review! D


	12. Pure Genious

Not as long as my others, but I'm tired XDD;;;

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda copyright infrigment whatever XD

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_Last time on 'Oh Shnaple'…_

"_Well, we're dumber than a sack of hammers, that's why," Caitlyn said._

"Quick! Everyone think of Kell's house!" Caitlyn said. She turned to Sari. "'cept, maybe not you. It might be weird if some random doodly just showed up at Kell's…," she said. Sari nodded.

"I'll think of my house!" she said, nodding. Everyone agreed.

"Alright. One. Two. THREE!!" Zan said. Everybody, save for Havoc, closed their eyes and concentrated on Kell's living room. The t.v where Caitlyn played Silent Hill whilst Kell had the strategy guide; the large table where they'd shared many a pizza and coke; and Kell's computer, where they continuously played random Kingdom Hearts amvs.

Too bad nothing happened.

Laura opened her eyes first, staring around at Roy's office.

"GUYS! Nothing happened!!" she wailed. Slowly, the other's eyes' opened.

"Sheeeeeeeeeet," Caitlyn said slowly. "Whadda we do now?" she asked. Kell shrugged.

"Well. We're stuck in the Fullmetal world, with Havoc, and a theory no one can see us at the moment. Oh, not to mention my mother and your scary faja at my house, looking for us," she said. Caitlyn nodded.

"Wait a sec," Zan said. "I have another theory."

"Another stroke of brilliance from Zan!!" Caitlyn said, smiling widely.

"Yus, Zan?" Laura asked.

"Okay. Here's my other theory. Maybe thinking about going home didn't work, since we don't really want to go home quite yet. I mean, we'll want to eventually, but why now?" she said. Caitlyn cleared her throat.

"Because I'm a dead Heat Miser if I don't get home. Then again, We CAN just tell our parents the truth…," she said.

"Pfft! How would they believe us?" Sari asked. Laura smiled.

"Well, we just convince them to turn to Fullmetal, then we appear where we should be able to be seen!" she said.

"Genius. Pure genius," Kell said. "Alright, prepare. Caitlyn. Call your dad, I'll call mum." Caitlyn gulped.

"It'll be a battle ground. Brace yourselves, y'all," she said, pulling out her cell and looking at the screen. "Oh my dear lord. I've had so many missed calls, it can't even count. Look." She held her cell up so everyone could see the screen.

There was a sideways eight, then 'missed calls.'

"Oh nuus. Here we go," she flipped open her phone as Kell did, and they both dialed.

"Before you even start!" they said as soon as their parents picked up. "We need you to go to Cartoonnetwork, and look for Fullmetal Alchemist," they said. There was a reply that, surprisingly, wasn't shouted, then the two teens sighed in relief.

"My dad's in Kell's house, and they're turning to Fullmetal," Caitlyn whispered, covering the mouthpiece to the phone.

"They're on the channel!" Kell said as her mother came back on the line. "Okie, now, just wait a second. You'll see where we went," Kell said into the phone.

"Let's go!" Laura said, grabbing Havoc and running out of the office.

"What part is the show at?" Caitlyn asked her dad. "Guys! To the movie theater!" she told everyone.

They forced Havoc to speed to the movie theater, to see Roy and a woman going inside. Havoc was soon in tears, realizing that was his previous quote-un-quote "girlfriend." After consoling him, the teenage girls went running over and jumped in front of Roy and the woman. Kell and Caitlyn could hear the phones as they hit the floor on the other line.

"See! We can't exactly come home yet!" Caitlyn shouted. He dad picked up the phone.

"_Be home before ten," _he said, then hung up. Kell's mother was slightly more dumb-fecked still. There was silence from the other end.

"_I think I'm going to take an aspirin and lie down…," _she said.

"Okie!" Kell said, then hung up.

"Alrighty, now that THAT horrific incident of terror is over, now what?" Caitlyn asked. Laura shrugged.

"We could have some fun!" Zan declared. Everyone whole-heartedly agreed.

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Review. Because I'm the Heat Miser 


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